deviousbutlersfandomcom-20200213-history
A Little Black Widow
"A Little Black Widow" is the 2nd episode of A Little Devious. Summary In the wake of Wikerly Hills' latest crime, Aliza is surprised to discover that somebody's already beaten her to the punch in terms of beginning to solve the mystery, and she is less than thrilled. Meanwhile, Kathryn claws her way back into working as a maid, but this time with much bigger goals in mind - goals which Shaniqua Mae should be able to help her fulfill, assuming the stray Kappelletti has the same business acumen once honed by her shady father. And with tragedy having struck, Michelle remains calm in the face of grief. Too calm for some people's liking, especially her stepdaughter's, who starts to throw accusations around pertaining to gold-digging as well as murder. These are trying, and constipating, times, so it's a good thing Silvia has moved on to brewing coffee. Plot 'Teaser' Sirens blaze as Aliza's cop car speeds its way through Wikerly Hills, ending up outside what used to be the former Del Barrio mansion. She steps out in a hurry. A camera flashes, as we're once again shown Henry Washington laying sprawled, impaled by a big ice penis which is starting to drip some with the time he's been there. Sadie and Michelle are both standing by, weeping, but a considerable distance from one another. Adrian is standing by too, and remains in a state of shock. As such, when the doorbell rings, it's Michelle who dries her eyes and goes to answer it. Sadie shoots her tearful daggers as she goes, but Michelle's tears are gone already as she makes her way through her home with decorum. Aliza is on the other side of the door, flashing her badge, introducing herself as Chief Little and saying that she's here to investigate the crime-scene that got reported. Michelle just blinks at her, though, saying, "I thought it was already being taken care of?" Aliza blinks back. "''You?!" Aliza exclaims as she makes it to the poolside corpse, and we now see that the person taking pictures is none other than FBI detective Michael Cage. "You?" he questions in turn, and the Chief asks him what in the name of the damniest of damn hells he thinks he's doing on her turf. "I'm with the FBI..." he explains, showing her his badge. "Cage?" she reads aloud, "Mike Cage? Bitch you sound like a Netflix show, I ain't givin' you this." She flashes her own, yet again, and states, "Aliza Little. Chief of Police. Now that sounds like someone worthy of her own series." "Chief of Police? Really?" he asks, surprise in his voice, and Aliza takes heavy offense to this. "Could you two stop chatting and find out who killed my dad?" Sadie cries, and Michelle just nods from nearby. Aliza and Michael look to Sadie, with Aliza telling her, "Sorry, gurl. I'll find out who did this. You mark my words." "Actually, you won't. I'm taking this case under FBI jurisdiction," Mike reveals. "Say whatnow Mikey boy? The hell you are!" Aliza rages. "This is a high-profile murder investigation," Mike goes on, "And falls into the prerogative of the Los Angeles--" "This is ''Wikerly Hills!" Aliza bites back, "It falls under the Wikerly Hills Police Department, jackass!" "For God's sake, the ice is melting!" Sadie exclaims. Aliza looks up, saying it seems as though he was pushed from the balcony, so she should go up there and-- "Already snapped pics of the study before you arrived. I've been on the scene a while," he tells her, and it's back to arguing. They continue to shout at each other, while everyone else watches, and then suddenly, Henry slides further down the penis, thanks to part of the sharpened bellend splashing on down to him in the heat of the Sun. Michelle looks discomforted. Sadie cries out. Adrian exclaims, "That's it! I definitely quit! They warned me about this house, and now... yeah! I'm gonna go pursue that opportunity in Barbados!" He storms away, past Kathryn Kappelletti who's suddenly emerged on the scene. "Need a new maid then?" she asks Michelle, who gives a sudden jolt of shock, "'Cause I already have the uniform." "Where in the hell did you come from?" Michelle demands, and Kathryn shrugs, "Passed out drunk in one of your closets. But don't worry, as your ''maid, I'll totally clean up the vomit." "What the--" "Kathryn?!" Aliza yells, only just now turning and seeing the blonde, and Kathryn - knowing she's wanted for her sable-coat-related incident - says, "I'll get started on it now. Bai," and dashes through the house. Aliza starts to chase her, only for Mike to ask, "So you're leaving this to me then?" Aliza stops, turning to him. "No. This is my town. My case. ''I'm gonna solve it.""FBI jur--" "I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!" Aliza belts out, "Get yo' faggot ass out of my crime scene or I swear to all that is Nicki Minaj I'm gon'--" "We could work together," Mike suggests, outstretching a hand. "You'd be willing t--" "If it shuts you up, and lets me get on with my job, then sure. But I'm gonna be the one to crack this thing." Aliza eyes him up and down, eventually outstretching her own hand and shaking his, "We'll see about that." "Holy fuck, does that big ice dick say the N-word?" Aliza then gasps as the mayor's face gets splattered by water melting right from the tip. ''A LITTLE DEVIOUS 'Act I' "Much, much more than a little devious!" Judge Quinnson of the The Wikerly Report shares to her audience the following morning, "The murder and mayhem we've all grown accustomed to is finally back! And this time? It's come to claim the life of our peach of a mayor, Henry Washington! There's yet to be a suspect taken into custody, but First Lady Michelle damn well better be thanking her lucky stars." A clip appears on the top right corner of the screen, next to Quinnson as it replays Michelle and Henry's fight from the night before. "It just so happened that I was vlogging when Mrs. Washington decided to expose just how broken her marriage really was, and, whadda you know? The mayor turns up dead a mere couple hours later. Heterosexuals, amirite? Y'all can go subscribe to my YouTube channel @QuinnQuinn where I'll discuss this further; I'm currently on thin ice with the network. But for now, just keep a look out. There might be a killer near you, and if you don't watch out, you could be the next one to have to giant ice dick in your ass... NIG--'' But Silvia Montgomery shuts her kitchen TV off as she's just finished whipping up a fresh pot of coffee, as well as wiping away her inappropriate tears at the loss of her married lover. She walks past her trashcan where a good dozen trays of lemon squares have been dumped, and gets to work mixing sugar and different creamers, eventually perfecting her next big ''thing. Satisfied, she takes a sip, and once again feels at peace... that is, until the doorbell rings. Confused, she goes to check up on who's there, and to her confusion it's none other than Wilma Winters... not that she actually knows who that is since she's never actually met her. "Um, hello?" Silvia greets, "My I help you?" "Hey, boo boo, I'm new... sorta. Moo. Anyways, just wanted to let you know I'm eventually moving in down at the end of the street. Finally rebuilding my dead brother's home and all that." "Wait," Silvia realizes, looking outside at what Wilma's pointing to - the demolished Winters' mansion - and she realizes, "You're... Matthew's sister?" "Duh! Took long enough, but our parents finally dropped dead, and now I'm the sole heir to the Winters' family fortune! I figured, with all this money and knowing how my hoe sister-in-law would be turning her grave just at the thought of it, why not move on in?" Silvia can't help but be offended by this, but still she keeps sporting a smile, instead offering her soon-to-be neighbor a cup of coffee. "I'd love some," Wilma answers, and so Silvia rushes back inside to pour her some. Returning with two cups, one for herself and one for her daughter-in-law's sister-in-law, the two women drink. "Mmmmm, this shit's good," Wilma exclaims, and Silvia thanks her. "I'm not sure if you've heard or not, but last night the new mayor was murdered." "Oh, my goodness!" Wilma responds, and Silvia goes on, "The thing is, whenever someone gets murdered in this town--which is fairly often--I usually become constipated for a few days. The good thing is, this stuff really clears me out." As Wilma finishes chugging the cup of coffee, she looks as Silvia for a second, confused... and then her eyes go wide as her stomach starts to growl. "Will you excuse me?" Wilma exclaims, handing Silvia the empty cup and running down the street. "You can always come back for seconds!" Silvia calls out with a devious grin on her face, watching as Wilma fails to make it to the outhouse on the construction site of her future home. "Goddammit!" she cries, and Silvia revels in this, taking a sip of her own coffee. Michael sips a morning cup of coffee down at the station and reaches for one of the donuts on the table, only for Aliza to smack his hand away and exclaim, "Them Kremey Krisps is for cops only - and you ain't no cop." "Sorry," Mike says, putting his hand up as though under arrest, and Aliza seizes that opportunity to snatch his coffee cup away from him too. "This ain't for you neither," she adds, taking a sip for herself. "You know my mouth's already been on that?" he questions, so she questions in turn, "Do I look like the kinda broad who cares about puttin' her mouth anyplace?" Mike arches a brow at this, while she goes on to say, "Apparently I don't look like a Chief of Police, so..." "I'm sorry," he says again, "Really. For being so surprised. I just... the girl I met at the bar the other night. I never would've guessed, is all." "And I wouldn't have guessed some rando queer to be some federal douchebag lookin' to snatch my cases from under my nose, but queer we are." "Cool it with the 'phobia," he pleads. "Cool it with the racism," she retorts. "Have I... been racist?" "I 'on't know, I ain't really been listenin' to what you been sayin' to tells the truth, but most interactions I have swing that way, so." "Well, I'm not a racist, and I said I'm sorry for pre-judging you so... since it looks like you're not gonna be backing down any time soon... let's try and find an amicable way to work together on this. The mayor was murdered." "I'm aware." "Did you get a look at the photos I took?" "No. I looked with my damn eyes at the scene itself," she makes clear, "He was pushed off a balcony onto a huge ice dildo, meanwhile mine is still on the fritz after being slid under a goddamn airport door." "Say what?" "Long story. The point is that Ryan Shapiro is in custody, and, now that Henry ain't around the muddy up justice, he should be goin' away for a long-ass time." "Right," Mike nods, "you mentioned, when you saw on TV. You thought Henry was corrupt?" "I know he was. S'why I wanna look into--" "The wife," Mike states. "Huh?" "The spouse or partner is always the most likely candidate. Just look at Melania. I mean, I know she got off because of the whole Stockholm thing, but still..." "That's statistics, though. Get yoself some experience." Plus the mayor and this First Lady had a big argument at the victory party last night. Apparently," he adds. "You been collectin' sources already?" she questions, and Mike pauses, not wishing to divulge the fact that he was actually there, bearing witness. And so he just says, "It was on the news." "I ain't even had time to watch the news. Or hear what peeps be sayin'. But I ain't too sure about Michelle." "The spouse or partner is always the mos--" "You said that already." "So you are listening?" "Bitch, it ain't gonna be that cliche. Valentina thought Ben killed Justine, but it weren't true." "I don't know who those people are." "The point is," Aliza continues, "he was corrupt, and I'm willin' to bet his murder had summit to do with that." "Fine," Mike nods, "then I'll question the wife." "The hell you will!" Aliza yells, "This is my case!" "Our case." "I'll do the questioning!" "I thought you said you didn't think she did it, anyway." "I still do the questioning! No one interrogates like I do!" "Fine, fine," Michael sighs, "It's not much my forte anyway. I'll look into the file side of things." "File side?" "It tends to be where all the real info is anyway," he insists, "I'll try and get a hold of the mayor's financial records. If he was corrupt, as you say, there could be a clue there." It's then that Aliza flashes back to the shredded document she put back together, which showed that Henry was moving money to the Grier modelling agency, and she says, "Yeeaaahh. You did that," because of course she knows he's only going to end up finding out what she already knows, if that, and it'll keep him out of the way, "I'll go question Michelle, I guess." "Well, would you look at that? We're making quite the team already." He goes to pick up a donut, only for Aliza to tell him, "Touch them again and I'll literally shoot you." He stops, and she finishes his coffee. "Get on those files or whatever boring shit it is you do. I got a date wi' Michelle." "And that's when I went to bed, after the last of the guests had been cleared out and Adrian had begun cleaning up. Henry was still in his study and I was in no mood to talk to him." "Because of the fight?" Aliza questions, for right now she is sat in Michelle's living room, sitting across from her, pretending to take notes on a notepad when in actuality she's drawing a sketch of what it would look like if Michelle Obama were president. "Yes," Michelle nods, dressed all in black, still perfectly calm and collected, "because of the... altercation, I was in no mood to share my bed with him that night. So I slept, for maybe two hours, until Adrian barged in to inform me what had happened." "And Adrian will be able to corroborate that?" Aliza questions, but Michelle reveals, "Unfortunately not. He's already on a plane to Barbados." Sadie is watching this from afar - from a staircase landing with a view into the sitting room - with hatred for her stepmother etched all over her face. "You avoiding the cop too?" Kathryn asks her as she dusts the banister. "Look at her," Sadie breathes, "she's so... ugh." "Meh, she was nicer than the last person to arrest me," Kathryn reckons, "back when I was framed for this whole terrorism thing." "Not her. Michelle," Sadie makes clear, and Kathryn goes, "Ooohhhhhh. That's her name. 'Cause I was, like, this close to calling her Mrs. Generic Gold Digger." It's at this point that Aliza asks Michelle, "So are you the primary beneficiary of Henry's will, do you know?" "I am, yes," Michelle nods, "since Sadie can't be trusted to spend responsibly." "Mhm," Aliza notes down - only this time she actually does note it down, along with the words, Gold digger??. "She's barely even cried," Sadie adds to Kathryn, still having to wipe away her own tears, "I mean, daddy died, and she... she..." Sadie bursts into uncontrollable tears, and Kathryn rolls her eyes, saying, "Between my imminent arrest in there and your blubbering out here, just tell your mom I took my lunch break." "She's not my mom," Sadie hisses. "Yeah, whatever bye," Kathryn tosses her feather duster to one side and heads on out, while Sadie watches Aliza thank Michelle for her time. Michelle very properly offers a handshake to the Chief of Police, and Kathryn finds herself hurrying extra hard when she hears Aliza leaving also. With Aliza gone, Michelle takes out her cell phone and dials a number, just as Sadie enters the room, ready to ask what she told the policewoman. She doesn't get the chance though, because she just hears Michelle saying to the person on the other line, "Hello, yes. I'm calling to inquire about arrangements for a funeral." Sadie's jaw drops, and she proceeds to pick up the sketch of Michelle Obama in the Oval, which Aliza apparently dropped, and reads "Gold digger" noted across it. Her eyes narrow. "I'm sooo pretty," Valerie, a maid, exclaims, looking into a compact mirror while sat at a table in the local cafe. "Yes you are!" one of her best friends, a butler named Bert, replies to her. Valerie is touched by the compliment, and we see another butler and maid with them. "So, guess what, I'm finally making a mixtape, and... I think I'm gonna show it to my boss. Hopefully he'll finally make my dreams come true!" butler Reynold reveals, only to receive a scoff from a maid, Julia, with a thick Italian accent. "You no sound good! You sound of cracked, dry spaghetti! Cow of the dumb, you are!" she says to Reynold, and the two glare at one another for a second before breaking out in laughter. "Ah, we're fun, aren't we?" Reynold exclaims, and the other butler and two maids nod in agreement, each taking a sip of coffee... but then the camera pans, and we see a fifth party at the table: Kathryn Kappelletti. "God, I fucking hate you all..." she utters, getting up and storming off, not even bothering to pay for her own coffee. The butlers and maids look at one another in confusion. Meanwhile, however, Kathryn has made her way outside of the cafe when she realizes that Julia was her ride home, but it's too late to go back now. She sighs and stomps her foot, but when she starts to see a barista from the cafe come outside to look for her to make her pay her bill, she quickly goes around the side of the building to hide by the dumpsters. Immediately she becomes disgusted by the stench, wanting to break down in tears, but she puts this on hold when she looks back at one of the larger dumpsters, hearing some rattling around inside. "Um... hello?" she calls out, "Is someone there?" She begins to cautiously step closer to the dumpster, getting on her tiptoes to look inside... and then out pops none other than Shaniqua Mae. Kathryn lets out a horrific shriek, resulting in Shaniqua letting out an even ratcheter shriek. Kathryn falls backwards, crawling away, but soon realizes who it is. "You! You're... yunno, you. That... well, I guess we can say 'person' if it means you won't violate me." Shaniqua furrows a brow before climbing up and out of the dumpster, causing Kathryn to crawl back further. We see there's blood on Shaniqua's hands, as well as a broken coat hanger, which she tosses back into the dumpster before holding her bloodied hand out to help Kathryn up off the ground. Kathryn is hesitant, but Shaniqua rolls her eyes. "Bitch, get the fuck up now!" And, afraid, Kathryn does as told, taking Shaniqua's bloodied hand and standing to her feet. "Now what you doin' here? Dis here is mah turf!" Shaniqua exclaims, to which Kathryn reveals she's more or less hiding from the police. "Ah, mah black ass can relate." "So, um..." Kathryn looks at the blood on Shaniqua's hands and thinks back to the coat hanger she saw flung, "you were...?" "I lost my damn job, and my kids gots to eat. Figured, hey, no use in bringin' another one of them fuckers into the world." We then hear the sounds of chewing coming from inside the dumpster, and a chill is sent down Kathryn's spine. "Well, you're lucky," she says to the black woman (I feel like Lady writing that), "I have, like, a job and stuff. And it's sooo hard!" But Shaniqua's not really listening, instead sniffing her fingers, trying to make out what this yellow crust is that she has between her nails. "I wish daddy were still here," Kathryn whines, "Life was just so much easier when he did all the working. I mean, like, yeah he was funding rape or something, but those girls were all so ugly anyway. They should be grateful a man would touch them." "Not gonna lie, I'm pretty sure I have a newborn somewhere, but I don't recall him or her bein' in the dumpster..." Shaniqua realizes, not taking in a word Kathryn says, as the blonde goes on, not taking in a word Shaniqua says. "I mean, it looked so damn easy too. Find some ugo' looking guy, preferably fat, get him alone in a room with some self-conscious girl... hell, didn't even need to be self-conscious as long as she had something slipped in her drink beforehand..." "Damn, my vaj is sticky today... Kanye Number Two, toss mama up some wet wipes?!" A pair of small, black hands are seen tossing Shaniqua an opened pack of cheap wet wipes which she proceeds to shove into her pants. "Maybe... maybe this could be my next big break," Kathryn realizes, "With daddy and... that scary looking guy gone, whose name was not Joey because that's not intimidating in the slightest, maybe I could be the next whore seller person! But who would I sell out to be violently raped first...?" "Annnnd the wet fuckin' wipe is so not comin' out now..." Shaniqua utters, and it's only then that Kathryn remembers she was there, beginning to have an idea… Aliza is seen heading to her own home only to have to roll her eyes at what's waiting for her: Antwon Kennedy, clutching a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates, now squished due to the fact that he's on his side after apparently having gotten bored waiting for his love and fallen asleep on her porch. Annoyed, Aliza reaches for her night stick and considers simply beating him awake, but she settles for scraping her leopard-print acrylics along the tarmac of the ramp which used to accommodate her mother's unneeded wheelchair, and the resultant screech seems to do the trick. Antwon awakes with a start, demanding, "Who's robbin' me?!" while Aliza just stands and blows on her nails, commenting that they're, "The only thing about me I still have from around the time we was together." "Oh, sorry," Antwon tells her as his lucidity returns to him; he manages to sit up, and Aliza orders him to stand, which he does after scooping up the crushed flowers and chocolates and offering them to her feebly. Her hands don't move, and so he's just stood there, arms out, sad gifts on display. "I realized that expired coupon wasn't the best thing I coulda given you..." "No shit." "So I got these. To make up for it. Only... yeah… I could give you a Scooby Doo watch I got off some white bitch if you want?" He lets the gifts drop onto the floor, and Aliza tells him, "I could arrest yo' ass for litterin'. Count yo'self lucky I'm tryna steer away from needless black arrests." "I'm serious," Antwon tells her, "about getting you back." "And I'm serious about the murder investigation I'm workin' at the minute." "Then why you home in the middle o' the day if you so busy?" "'Cause I wanted to poop in private, a'ight? Silvia's been plyin' me with all this coffee and--" "Oh yeah, she came and gave me a cup while I was sitting on the porch still. Musta been decaf though." "You think I got time fo' dis idle chitchat?" "We used to chat all the time," Antwon smiles fondly, "About anything. Everything. Any time. Remember those late nights we used to have, where--" "Used to," Aliza spits, "and all I remember from our relationship is how it ended. With you takin' yo' dick and shovin' it into some crusty thot's nasty-ass hole until she had a bun in the oven faster than you can say Stay Puft Daddy!" "It wasn't her asshole, it was her regular hole. You can't get pregnant from the ass, or else you'd have--" "Nasty-ass! One adjective! Dayum!" "Whatever! It's a prime example of the good times! 'Cause those are what I remember!" "You're sayin' the reason you want me back is 'cause I got freaky between the sheets?" "No... I'm sayin' the reason I want you back is because you made me feel like... aidunno... like my dreams could come true or summit... and then I realized, you are ma' dream." Aliza pauses, insisting, "You crushed my dreams. You built them up and then you crushed 'em. Like cheap trash. Like I'' was cheap trash. That's how you make me feel, Antwon! That's why I want you gone! Because of ''you and the pain you put me through, I left the mayor's party early when there was a killer present! Because of you and your dreams, the mayor is dead! Think about that while you're busy gettin' the hell offa my porch. And take your trick-ass gifts wicha." With that, the saddened Antwon picks up the flowers and chocolate, and begins to walk down the ramp. As he passes Aliza though, he turns back to her, insisting, "This ain't over. I love you." Aliza's phone begins to ring, and she hisses, "I'm. Busy." She answers the phone, "Oh, hi Mike." "Mike? Who's Mike?" Antwon questions, and Aliza shushes him. "Are you shushing me?" Mike questions. "No, go on." "Well, in any case, I'm glad to hear it's back to 'Mike'. Detective Cage would be preferable in this case, but it's better than queer." "Why you callin' me, butt boy?" "I stand corrected. Look, I've been digging, and I have some information. I figured, since we're working together and all, you'd be my first port of call." "Lemme guess," Aliza sighs, "You found that Henry's been moving mo--" "Michelle's planning her husband's funeral." "What?" "The day he died, pretty much. That's suspicious." "How do you know?" Aliza wonders, "Are you tailing her?" "She's been calling funeral homes, ordering coffins. Right now she's clocked in to oversee the digging up of a family plot." "I thought we agreed I'd be the one to go out and interrogate, and you'd stay behind your desk and do... whatever it is you're doin'." "I haven't left the desk," Michael assures, "I told you this is where all the good stuff is found. I checked with logs. I kept updated via--" "What happened to finical records?" "I'm multi-tasking. I actually--" "So you're sayin' it's the most basic-ass motive out there? A simple case of black widow? Except very literally… Wife kills her rich husband, pockets the cash?" "I don't know about that, yet. There's something else I'm looking into." "From behind yo' desk?" "Yes," he insists, "But it's certainly callous, what she's doing. Almost like she isn't sad." Aliza then thinks back to her actual meeting with Michelle; how stoic she seemed. "Yeah... alright... I'll try talking to her again maybe, I dunno." "Or you could help me out here?" Mike suggests. "Bitch, you's my helper, not the other way around!" "I'm a federal--" "Helper. Like a... helper monkey. And I'm the panther. Don't forget that." "Now you're just saying animals and... both of them are making you sound racist." "Whatever. I'mma go pay a visit to Juanita's old stomping grounds." "Again, who?" Aliza sighs again at this, and tells him, "This so isn't your town," before hanging up the phone. "So..." Antwon questions, "your new boyfriend likes butt stuff too?" "Sure, you can go screw his hole as well. And he ain't my boyfriend," Aliza insists, and he smiles. "Don't be glad, Antwon. Makes your face look dumb. Er." She walks away, saying it's time to get to the ol' Greenberg place… We see that, out in the cemetery, Michelle is in all black as she watches two white men digging into the ground beneath her, ready to lay her husband to rest once and for all. One, singular tear starts to trickle down her cheek when we transition into the past... Michelle is standing with her husband up at a podium, in the pouring rain with an umbrella covering the married couple as best as it can. "Together, we're gonna make Wikerly Hills great again!" the future mayor finishes, receiving loads of applaud from his supporters in the crowd. Michelle goes to take his hand, but Henry rejects it, raising both of his together and excluding her entirely. Unbeknownst to Michelle, Silvia Montgomery is among those in the crowd, and she makes eye contact with the future mayor. Henry smiles even brighter at her, watching as she cheers for him, and even though Michelle doesn't see Silvia, she still knows that something is up. Back at the former Del Barrio mansion, still in the past, Michelle and Henry enter their home, covering in rain and handing their coats off to Adrian to have dried off. After complete silence the whole ride home, Michelle finally decides to break this by inviting her husband for a night cap. "Huh?" he asks, and Michelle shrugs. "Well... why not? We don't talk anymore." "I didn't think that was an issue," Henry admits while Michelle tries to ignore this hurtful comment, pouring herself and her husband a drink. She hands him a glass, which he downs before she even has a chance to touch hers against her lips. "Okay. That was fun. We done now?" Henry wonders, growing impatient, and Michelle is taken aback. "I've got a lot of work to do. Need to run down to the office, and--" "Who is she?" Michelle breaks. "What...?" "Who's the insipid little slut you've been screwing every other day for the past two months?" Henry raises a brow at this as he puts his glass down and takes a step back. "You should... probably go up to bed, dear," he says, "We've had a long day." Maintaining composure, Michelle demands that her husband stop lying, stating that, "I saw you all doe-eyed earlier. It was at her, wasn't it?" "It was at the hundreds of supporters at my rally who want me to be fucking mayor! Jeez, Michelle, give me a break." But Michelle still isn't buying it. "You can't even bring yourself to touch me anymore, especially not in public." "Because my supporters need to know they're my top priority!" "And what about me?! What am I to you?!" Michelle's about reached her breaking point, and Henry can see this... and really can't be bothered to deal with it either. "Michelle," he utters, putting his hands on her shoulders, "you are... my other half. You complete me. Make me whole. But what I'm trying to do... trying to accomplish... I need you to just take a step back for a little while. Okay?" This doesn't really make Michelle feel any better, but she knows if she lets this go on much longer then her husband will see her in tears, and that's something that's not allowed. "Promise me there's no other woman?" she asks him, to which Henry nods. "I promise." Michelle doesn't believe it, but nonetheless she motions for her husband to go attend to his "business" at the office. He thanks her, but leaves without so much as a kiss on the cheek, and Michelle finally sips her drinking as the tears begin to fall. "You bastard..." Michelle mumbles under her breath, back in the present day at her husband's grave. The two white men digging in the ground have finally finished up, and they leave to go back inside while Michelle continues to stand, looking into the plot where her husband is to rest for eternity. "Uh, ma' condolences," a familiar voice calls out, and Michelle turns to see it's Chief Little, who's now standing next to Michelle and looking down into the empty grave, "He was a g-" but Aliza feels what she was about to say is too subjective. "He was a man," she decides to say instead, and Michelle doesn't think much of the word choice. "Yes, well... we all have to say goodbye at some point." "That we do, that we do," Aliza agrees, "Lost ma' mama and brother a few years back, so I guess I can relate." "Oh, I'm so sorry," Michelle responds, genuinely, but Aliza brushes this off. "Meh, she was crooked as a white man, and he was dumb as... well, I suppose a white man." Michelle nods at this, but the chief of police admits that, right now, it isn't about her. "How are you doin'?" Aliza wants to know of the black widow standing beside her, and Michelle doesn't really know how to respond. "You upset?" to which Michelle responds, "Well, my husband did just land atop a phallic ice sculpture..." "Classic..." Aliza responds, "But damn, girl, his body ain't even cold yet, and you already go him a grave?" "I just don't see any point in dragging it out," Michelle exclaims, turning to Aliza and beginning to feel a bit defensive, but trying to hide that so the chief of police doesn't think there's something up with her. "Well, it must be hard... seein' your husband go so soon," and Michelle gives a slight nod at this. "As you said, he was a... man." "Mhmmm..." Aliza utters, "well, I said that 'cause he was shady as all hell and didn't wanna be rude. Now what he do to you?!" "Excuse me?" Michelle questions, to which Aliza responds, "You ain't foolin' nobody, now let's just cut to the chase: what did he do?!" "I--" Michelle goes to say, only to be interrupted by a third party. "He didn't do anything!" calls out none other than Henry's daughter, Sadie Washington, who storms over and promptly shoves her stepmother into the empty grave. "She killed my father!" the young woman screams, pointing down at Michelle who's in the grave, glaring upward at her stepdaughter while holding a broken heel. Aliza looks down at Michelle and then at Sadie, not knowing what to make of this outburst. 'Act II' "Here you go, ma'am," says Michael back at the precinct as he hands Michelle a towel to get the mud out of her hair and clothes. "Thank you, dear," she nods, clearly biting back a lot of rage towards her stepdaughter who, as she can see now, is currently sitting in Aliza's office, across from the chief herself. "So, Sadie, is it?" Aliza questions, and Sadie nods uncomfortably, while Aliza goes on with, "So, Sadie... what makes you so sure that your stepmother murdered your father? It's a pretty hefty accusation." "You saw her, right?" Sadie asks, "We don't even have his body back yet and she's already arranging for him to be buried." "Well, I suppose people cope in--" "She hasn't cried. Her husband died last night. She should be blubbering," Sadie half-weeps, "Instead she... she... She's trying to sweep my father's legacy under the rug. Take over. Just because she gets everything he ever had, or ever earned. It's not fair! She's a leech, Aliza. People like her... she's just a big leech, sucking the life out of my father's house. Out of me. Out of him - literally! Everyone saw that fight... she pushed him off that balcony... I know she did..." Aliza nods while, outside, Michelle eyes up the scene and asks Michael, "What do you think they're saying in there?" "I... wouldn't know," Mike admits, and Michelle nods, then sighing. "Well," she adds, "I have a lot to get done. As a widow, you know. Busy, busy, busy. And now I need fresh clothes, too, so... thank you for the towel, detective," she hands it back to him, "But I'll be going now." "Ma'am, I'm not sure that's a good idea. Your stepdaughter just accused you of--" "Am I under arrest?" she asks firmly. "Well, no, but--" "Then I'll be going now, detective. Goodbye." And, with that, she rises to her feet and begins to exit the station. Michael is unsure what to make of this, and looks over to the desk he's been relegated by Aliza for the duration of his stay. It's a rather crappy desk, per her instruction probably, but at least the computer on it is the same level of state-of-the-art that the chief had installed all around the precinct when she took over, and that's all he really needs. He thinks about going back to it, throwing the muddy towel into the trash as he goes, but then finds himself listening into the conversation going on in the office. "Are you saying that your mother married your father just for his money?" Aliza is heard asking, and Sadie pauses, answering with, "It was definitely not a marriage based on love." "Hmmm..." Mike murmurs, as flashes run through his head of files and financial records, and he decides to go check that computer after all, because there's something he needs to look into. "Hey!" Aliza yells from her desk, stopping Mike, and he wanders into the office. The crying Sadie tenses up. "Yes, Chief Little?" "I thought you was stickin' with the widow," Aliza reminds, and Michael reveals, "She left." "See?!" Sadie exclaims, "She's guilty! Guilty! And I won't rest until that ungrateful whore is behind bars!" She then stands up, and demands that Aliza nail her to the wall, before storming on out, and Aliza breathes, "That... is an intense young woman." "Yeah, well, college students," Mike nods, "They tend to be dramatic." "How you know she in college?" Aliza wonders, and Mike assures, "It's all in her online profiles." "Stalker." "Detective. But, she doesn't take her parents' money, though. All student loans. And you'd think she'd be going to an ivy, but no." "So she doesn't leech off her father, that a big deal? It's the wife we need to worry about right now... leaving like that looks bad..." "Yes, but, there's something I need to loo--" "I think it's time I start tailing Michelle," Aliza decides, "See where she goes, what she's up to. If there's any weight to what Sadie's been saying." "I have another idea. There's something that--" "Just get back to your computer then and... Google... or however the hell it is you get work done. I'm going out to get to the bottom of this thing in person." "So you've changed your 'tude? On the spouse being the most likely candidate?" "I think the killer is the most likely candidate. It could be the wife. It could also be Scar Jo for all we know yet. And so I'mma investigate. The way I know how to. The way I been doin' it the past three damn years." With that, she grabs her coat and leaves, while Mike shrugs and heads back to his desk. Meanwhile, across town, Silvia has sat down with Tyson as he practices finger painting - it's extremely messy - and she gives him a cup of coffee she whipped up. "What's this?" he wonders, confused to see that she's not brought any lemon squares with her, and Silvia reveals that the savory treat she whipped up for weeks prior is a thing of the past. "Now, drink up, dear," Silvia orders, revealing that security almost confiscated it from her. "Ever since the iced tea incident of 2017, I've not been allowed to bring in beverages. You send one nurse to the emergency room... Who in God's name is allergic to tea anyway?!" Tyson looks unsure of the coffee, but he decides to give it a chance anyway and, instantly, he spits it back out. "Ewww," he whines, "that tastes gross!" Silvia's offended by this and sits back, crossing her arms. "Yeah, well, what do you know?!" "Have you been having trouble," Tyson then lowers his voice, "pooping?" Silvia wonders what would make him think that, and so Tyson reveals that it's what Meghan used to drink whenever she was constipated. "Well, in all honesty, yes," she says to the mentally handicapped man, "I'm not sure that you've heard, but... the new mayor--" "Is in Hell now. Yeah, one of the nurses told me earlier." Silvia's taken aback. "Hell? What makes you think he's there?" "Isn't he a politician? Mama used to say all politicians went to hell. Especially Hillary Clinton..." "I see..." Silvia responds, awkwardly, "Well, he's not longer with us... That much we know. And it's very, very sad." "Oh, I'm sorry..." Tyson realizes, "You knew him?" Silvia admits that she did, "And he was a lovely man. Really... really lovely." Tyson frowns at this, apologizing again to the only mother figure left in his life, and she thanks him. "It's just hard, is all. He was the man I was seeing, you know? The one I told you about... Now I'm back to square one again." "Would you like some coffee?" Tyson offers, both wanting to make Silvia feel better as well as get the disgusting beverage from out of his sight. Sighing, Silvia takes the cup and drinks. "You'll move on from this," he assures, "We gotta remember that this is all part of God's plan, and according to Him you were meant to go down a different path." "God's plan, huh?" Silvia questions, and Tyson nods. "That's what mama always said when people died, and that's how I been able to keep goin' after losin' her and Joe. It's okay to grieve, but--" "Eventually I have to move forward," Silvia finishes, and Tyson nods. "It's just hard," Silvia sighs, and Tyson takes her hand, stating that he knows. "Okay, Actually-Not-Generic Negro Bitch, here's how this'll work," Kathryn exclaims as she and Shaniqua Mae walk through the side entrance of the old Del Barrio place, where the servants quarters are located, "I'm gonna pimp you out to some probably very greasy, disgusting, and obese men. They're gonna defile you in whatever way they so choose, and you're not gonna do a damn thing about it because you'll be drugged off your ass. I imagine voluntarily since you're you." "Hooka, I been high since '07, had a tumor on my tit since '08, and not felt a damn thing at all since '09." "Fascinating!" Kathryn responds before shifting the topic back to her. "Now we're gonna--" "Is me having ants in my vaj gon' be an issue? 'Cause right now they be itchin'." Shaniqua sticks her hand into her pants, and Kathryn is left disgusted. "We'll leave that off the fliers I'll be hanging up in the park," she decides, and Shaniqua nods. "Oh, but wait, who gon' watch my kids?" The camera pans and we see all fifteen or so of Shaniqua's kids, sitting on the kitchen floor not saying a word. "If you were Spanish then I'd just leave it up to ICE, but like, yeah, I don't know. Who cares?" They're intentionally not given lines so we don't have to credit the damn things. "I ain't leavin' ma' babies unattended!" Shaniqua puts her foot down, "If I'm doin' all the work then you gon' take care of 'em. Oprah Jr. always wanted to get to know a white woman... and take a bath, but hey, we can't have errythang." Kathryn looks over at the children, not sure which one Oprah Jr. is but suspecting not a single one of them has so much as even seen a bar of soap in their lives. "Yeah... fine, okay, I'll do it," Kathryn sighs, "I'll watch your gorillas." "You meant to be racist right then, right?" "Duh." And Shaniqua nods. "But really, I need a place to whore you out from. It can't be a corner; we're better than that. Well, I'm better than that. We need something classy, like a brothel. Hell, this place used to have a dungeon in the basement, but those fucking lesbians that used to live here sealed it off before they moved." Kathryn considers to think about things just as the door to the servants quarters and in walks Antwon. "Oh, fantastic," she sighs, "another person of color." "I was outside Aliza's and saw y'all come in," Antwon reveals, "S'up kids. It's loud as hell outside. They doin' construction on some place at the end of the street." Intrigued, Kathryn steps outside and sees that, sure enough, there's a construction crew finishing up a day's work on the future home of Wilma Winters. The outside frame of the home seems to be up and stable with just the inside left to design. This is good enough for Kathryn though who, once again, has an idea. In order to properly get rid of the mud, Michelle is shown throwing her clothes into a hamper, wondering where on earth her new maid is to get them laundered as soon as possible. Outside, Aliza is watching from her car, staking out the suspect; tailing her. Eyeing through the bathroom window and looking away when the First Lady (or former First Lady, now that the Mayor is dead) of Wikerly Hills steps into the shower. She's not in there for long. Next, we see her picking out a new, fresh outfit. Black, like the last one, because of course she's in mourning. And then we see her at a fancy tailors, while Aliza is parked across the street taking notes - legitimate notes, this time - on the dead guy's wife picking out his suit for burial before the clothes he died in have even been scrutinized. "Gurl, the ice dick ain't even finished meltin' yet," she mutters under her breath as she scribbles something down while now across the street from the carpenters' making the coffin, with Michelle taking a large sum of straight-up cash from her purse in order to tell them to get a move on and get it over and done with. And then at her home again, in the yard, where the pool is. Where Henry died. Aliza can't park anywhere in proximity, nor see over the wall, and so she says, "Dammit," and begins to climb up the trellis, wondering, "Has Mikey boy ever had to deal with this kinda shit?" as her boot gets clumped in some untrimmed flower dirt. Indeed, right now, Michael is just at the precinct, sipping coffee, going over a report of some kind at his computer. "Aaaand there it is," he comments, looking into something harder. He goes to pick up his phone, to call Aliza, but decides he wants to be doubly sure first. Aliza's phone rings just as she's approaching the top of the trellis... and it startles her into falling right off, onto some roses. "Son of a whore, there's a thorn in my ass!!" She then answers the phone with a resounding, "What?!" and it's Sadie on the other line, asking, "I'm just wondering if my stepmother's in custody yet?" "What? No. How you get my number?" "It was carved into a park bench," Sadie reveals, and Aliza says, "Dayum, I forgot I did that," as she eyes up Wikerly Park at the end of the street, "Is that where you are? The park? Cos yo stepmomma's in the yard." "I'm packing for college," Sadie reveals, "And yeah, I see her now, out the window... you won't believe what she's doing." "What?" "She's having afternoon tea." "So?" "Same as she does everyday. She's doing her daily freakin' routine - right in the spot where dad died!" "I'll... get back to you," Aliza decides, hanging up and once again tackling the trellis. She gets to the top this time, able to spy Michelle in her garden, just sitting there, seeming perfectly content, sipping her tea without a care in the world. Which is when we're taken back, to her doing the same thing, back in the mansion she and Henry lived in before moving to Fanon Drive. "More sugar?" Adrian asks her, but she tells him, "No thank you. The maid just got some for me. You can finish up for the day, if you wish." "Thank you, ma'am," Adrian smiles, passing Henry on his way back to his quarters. "Here she is, back from her first semester," Henry tells his fiancée, for this is during the period that the two of them were merely engaged. "I'm so nervous," Michelle tells him, only for him to say, "Don't be. She's gonna love you. Just like my niece did when we did that seance." "I thought that was your nephew..." "Yeah no one knew really." With that, they make their way through to their foyer, and a maid answers the door to Sadie Washington, who brings with her a few suitcases. The maid begins helping her with them, and Sadie looks almost surprised by this, as though not quite used to it. "Is this your new fiancée?" she asks her father, "She's very... helpful." "Don't tease," Henry laughs, giving his daughter a great big hug, and Michelle laughs at the sight of it, liking the fact that the man she's planning to marry seems to be such a loving father. "What do you mean, daddy?" Sadie giggles, "And I love the new place, by the way." "Yes, we're very fortunate," Henry nods, "And, my dear, I'd like for you to meet..." "Michelle Large," Michelle says, stepping forward, outstretching her hand. Sadie stares at it for a moment, until Michelle retreats it, realizing, "Right. Handshake probably too formal, right? How about a hug?" She opens her arms, and Sadie continues to just stare at her. "So... you're gonna be my stepmom?" she asks sternly, and Michelle gives a little nod, saying, "I... don't want you to think I'm replacing your mother or anything, though. I'm just here to--" "Screw my dad. Right," Sadie nods, and Michelle is taken aback, while Henry exclaims, "Sadie! Apologize." "Sorry, dad," she nods, and Michelle seems a tad annoyed at the fact that he doesn't ask the young lady to apologize to her instead. "Go unpack," he orders, "And I thought you said you were happy I was finally moving on..." Sadie is silent for a moment, and then asks her father, "Can't the maid unpack for me?" "New maid," she exclaims, "Could you bring me some sugar?" There's no response, though, and so she just sighs with mild exasperation, and continues. It's then that Aliza's phone rings again, and once again she's startled into falling off the wall... only this time into the Washingtons' yard, and Michelle is startled tenfold. "Aliza, it's Michael," her phone says, though it isn't to her ear because she's currently ass-up in some flowers. "Chief Little..." she murmurs, wanting to correct him. "I found something out about the Washingtons' marriage that might be of interest to you," he goes on, only for Aliza to grab her phone and hang it up while Michelle storms over to her. "I demand to know the meaning of this!" she exclaims, drawing herself up to her full height while Aliza struggles to get to her feet, "Have you been following me?!" Aliza just avoids eye contact for a moment, instead looking to the spot where Henry was impaled. We transition to said ice penis, now being held in the local morgue while Henry Washington's corpse is laid across an examining table as the coroner - Joy Dameron - is finishing up getting all the details she needs before the body is ready for burial. As she looks from head to toe, jotting stuff down and trying her best to not inhale the stench of his slowly-beginning-to-rot body, Joy completes her job and puts the clipboard of paper down. "If it's any consolation, sir," she says to the corpse, "you had my vote." She prepares to zip the body-bag all the way back up, but before doing so, she feels the need to whip out her Windows phone and snap a picture of Henry's genitalia. "That said, Mr. Mayor," she says to the body, "If I knew how little you were packing, I might have second guessed myself." With that, she zips up the body bag and gets ready to wheel the body off for burial. However, this doesn't go as planned, for the coroner soon finds herself bashed in the back of the head and falls to the ground unconscious. The culprit goes unseen as they pick up Joy's phone, which has been dropped, and deletes the picture of Henry's penis before putting the phone back on the ground. Leaving Joy where she's at, the unseen figure wheels Henry's body away, whistling all the while. The camera pans back to the ice penis and we see that, still, it's not even fully melted yet. A small drop of water falls. 'Act III' "Chief Little, I am waiting very patiently for what I have to assume is a very good explanation as to why you just came hurtling over my garden wall." "Right, yeah..." Aliza utters, not really sure how to explain it. Instead, she just plucks the rose thorns out of her ass and sighs, "So did you kill your husband or not?" Michelle's eyes widen in horror - the most expressive she's been since her husband actually died - and Aliza sighs again, saying, "Sorry, I just hadda ask." "You had to? You had to ask me if I murdered the love of my life?!" "The love of your--?" Aliza begins to question, but stops herself, having insulted this woman enough. "I'm gonna level with you," the Chief of Police decides, "You look guilty as fuck." "Excuse--?!" "You're barely actin' sad, gurl. You're arrangin' yo' dead husband's funeral before his murder weapon even thawed out. You out here sippin' tea in the same spot where... well, you know. It looks kinda like yo' a classic gold digga, killin' off her sugar daddy and pocketin' the goods, yanno?" "Gold digger..." Michelle utters, and then she yells, "Me?! A gold digger?!" And we flash back again, all the way to Henry and Michelle's very first meeting. The both of them are making their way through a courthouse, when suddenly they bump into one another. "Terribly sorry," Henry says nervously, intimidated by the rather glamorous woman who stands before him, "I should've been looking where I was going, I--" "It's fine, it was my fault," Michelle assures, "I'm still wearing in these new shoes," she gestures her designer footwear, "They steered me off course is all." He smiles at her, looking down at her shoes and then at his own, which have definitely seen better days; they're fraying around the edges, and one can detect a small hole in the toe which he's tried and failed to patch up. Michelle sees this but ignores it, then remembering, "You're the public defender, right? For that guy implicated in all the Solano business?" "Mr. Castillo, yes," he nods, "I think I recognize you from--" "I'm here on jury duty," Michelle explains, and Henry nods, "Ah, yes, that's right. I probably shouldn't be talking to you, then. Could be considered a conflict of interest." However, Michelle is oddly charmed by the humble little man, and she decides, in a tone more relaxed and carefree than she usually feels able to exhibit, "Meh conflict shmonflict. He's guilty as sin anyway. We may as well just... grab lunch?" "That sounds..." he blushes, "lovely, um... we'd have to um... go Dutch, as it were, I--" "I'll pay," Michelle assures, "Come with me." He smiles through his now rosy cheeks, and does just that; they find themselves joining hands as they walk. "Henry was dirt poor when I met him, Chief Little. My father begged me not to marry him, in fact. He rose through the ranks on my name. The Large name." "Large?" Aliza questions, "You're Michelle Large?" "The one and only, honey," Michelle confirms, "The Robinsons named their daughter after me." "The richest black family in the state," Aliza recognizes, "I know cos my Mama absolutely hated y'all." "Nice to know." "So... Henry was the gold digga..." Aliza pieces together, but Michelle affirms, "Nobody in our marriage was a gold digger! Hard as it may be to come across such a couple in this town, we were genuinely in love." "But... the argument..." "Couples fight." "And you don't... you don't seem... yunno... sad." At this, Michelle droops a little: "I promise you, I am devastated at my husband's passing. But I'm not going to apologize just because my grief doesn't look the way you - and I assume Sadie - want it to look. Despite the odds for people of our inclination, Chief Little, my father was a very successful man. Doubly impressive, considering the days in which he made his fortune. Us folk had to fight a whole lot of flack back then to get taken seriously... he always told me to be proper... to not conform to that angry black stereotype... and so maybe I suppress my reactions. Bury my emotions a little. But that doesn't mean they're not there. I may not be weeping for Henry's death, but inside I am crying a river. And I want to let it out. I do. More than anything. But I can't... besmirch everything my family has fought for. And so I've been doing what I was taught to do. Carrying on." In the length of time she's said all this, a single tear has managed to roll its way down her cheek, and Aliza finds herself feeling deeply sorry for the widow standing before her. "So, to answer your question," Michelle adds, promptly wiping the tear away, "No. I did not kill my husband. We had our troubles - Lord knows that to be true - but I loved him. I..." she chokes up a little, "love him." Aliza looks like she's about ready to choke up as well, and then... "You're not really buying that load of crap, are you?" comes the voice of Sadie Washington, who's just exited the house. "Sadie, dear..." Michelle tries, but her stepdaughter simply scoffs, admitting, "The only reason I came out here was because I was hoping to catch a shot of you in handcuffs. But it seems you manipulated your way out of it, huh? The same way you manipulated daddy into loving you." "You dare--" "Yes, I dare!" Sadie exclaims, taking Michelle's discarded teacup and throwing it against the ground so that it shatters into oblivion, forcing Aliza to jump back some. "Bitch, what it!" "Oh, I should've known you'd end up on her side! Always sticking together, aren't you?!" Sadie yells. "What are you--?" Aliza starts to question, only for the girl in front of her to rage, "As if you people haven't foregone justice enough throughout history!" "You people..." Aliza repeats as a whisper, "You people?!" That's right. Sadie's just a plain ol' racist. We cut back to earlier. Sadie finding Aliza's Michelle Obama sketch, and the words Gold digger. "Damn right she was," Sadie mutters under her breath, "I can't believe they let that into the White House." "Why you little--" Aliza starts, wanting to reach for her nightstick, only to have Michelle put an arm out to stop her. She steps in front of the police chief, and eyes are raving stepdaughter up. "Am I to understand, dear," she begins, "that the reason for your incessant smear campaign against me - that the sole basis to your unending hatred and hostility in the years I've been with your father - is all down to the fact that I am a black woman?" For a moment, Sadie doesn't answer. "Answer the damn question!" Aliza demands, kicking some of the teacup shards her way, and Sadie yells, "You had no right to take my mother's place! They were poor but they were happy! How did you earn all this?! How did you get maids and mansions - everything I'' deserved growing up, and now is tainted by ''you! You don't belong in a place like this! You belong on your hands and knees picking cotton!" It's taking everything Aliza has not to jump this girl where she stands, while Michelle remains perfectly calm. Perfectly cool. Perfectly collected. She puts her hands together, and states very clearly, "You have one hour to pack up your things and remove yourself from my home, after which you will never be welcome again. You will return to this town for your father's funeral - when it actually takes place - and you will not address me in any way. I will not acknowledge you. I will not look at you. From hereon out, you are as dead to me as your father is. Try returning to my property, and I will do to your face what you just did to my teacup." And all without raising her voice. Sadie looks a tad shaken by her stepmother's deadly eye contact, and soon enough starts to back away slowly. Aliza stares her down also, and cracks a smile when the scared little white girl finally turns around and dashes inside to finish her packing. "That was beautiful," Aliza tells Michelle, who tells her, "Thank you," in turn. "But I still may need to question her some," the chief adds. "That girl didn't kill her father," Michelle seems to think, "Murder takes guts." Aliza's cell phone then begins to ring again. "Fo' shit's sake, who is it now?!" she exclaims, answering it with a, "Yello?" "Aliza? It's Joy..." the shaken coroner greets. "What's wrong? What've you found?" "Um... nothing exactly..." she confesses, "That's sorta the thing..." Meanwhile, back on Wikerly Hills, Kathryn, Shaniqua, and Shaniqua's 40 children are sat in the lawn of the Winters' mansion. While Shaniqua stands and tries to look pretty, Kathryn paints a sign reading BRAWTHLE HEER, and Shaniqua's eat grass or something. With the sign done, Kathryn goes to hammer it down into the yard, only to find herself suddenly being attacked by a certain seagull, which she then uses the sign to bat away. "Ugh, why are birds so obsessed with me. I'm not Snow White," Kathryn complains, to which Shaniqua replies, "No, but I'm Blow White," and she proceeds to snort a line of coke. Kathryn rolls her eyes, proceeding to hammer the sign into the ground as planned, and from there the two just wait. It doesn't take long though, for a car finally shows up, and out steps a large, greasy and obese white man. It appears he's part of Wilma's construction crew, and he asks Kathryn if she's noticed a hammer anywhere. "Ummm..." Kathryn hides the hammer behind her back, "Nope." "Huh, alright," the construction man says, preparing to leave, but then he realizes: "Hey, what's going on here?!" "You, sir, look like you could use a lady's company!" Kathryn exclaims, to the construction worker's confusion. "What...?" "A big, hardworking guy like yourself, who I have zero doubt is single because, really, who could love a fat man?" "Excuse me?!" "Could I interest you in an hour of company with an exotic broad who's well-versed in... I don't know, butt stuff." "Uh..." the guy begins to contemplate, to which Kathryn points, "She's black, but it'll be the first time you've had consensual, non-pity sex in your life. You want in or not?" "You're kinda rude," the construction worker exclaims, then wondering, "How much?" "Five million dollars," Kathryn declares, to which the construction work offers her eight bucks and whatever's left on his McDonald's giftcard. "Sold!" Shaniqua calls out, not giving Kathryn a chance to speak, and she leads the man into the Winters' mansion. Kathryn is upset by this, but isn't given a chance to give her input. As she's left sitting outside the mansion, watching as Shaniqua's children puncture themselves with leftover nails from the day's construction, she soon finds herself joined by Antwon. "Hey," he greets, "what's goin' on here? Where's Shaniqua?" "Inside," Kathryn reveals, and Antwon looks around as his kids are running around in the yard. "Doing what?" he asks, to which Kathryn answers that she's now pimping out his babymama. Shaniqua and the construction worker then exit the mansion, and Kathryn points out how fast they were. "He came the moment an ant crawled inside his dick," Shaniqua reveals, and the construction worker hands Kathryn the money and giftcard, walking away, his head lowered in shame. Antwon, meanwhile, is disgusted. "What the fuck?!" he cries, but Kathryn and Shaniqua don't see what he's so mad about. "This is just all kinds of nasty," he says, stepping away from the property and taking out his phone, dialing up Aliza. "Bitch, stop fuckin' callin' me!" the Chief of Police says when answering the other line, "I'm very busy with very important police shit right now." "But that's why I need you," Antwon reveals, "for your services as a policewoman." Aliza furrows a brow at this. "Aaaaand here we are again," Aliza states as she stares down at Kathryn, who's sitting in the station part of the precinct in handcuffs. Next to her is Shaniqua Mae, who barely appears aware of what's going on; in fact, she just looks idly down at the cuffs and comments, "Daz gon' cost ya extra, sugar." "And I see you made a friend," Aliza adds, and Kathryn appears indignant. "How in the holiness of hell did you think that this was okay? How did you think you were gonna avoid jail this time?!" Aliza demands to know, and Kathryn requests, "Can I speak to Generic Gay Cop? He was waaaay friendlier." "Bitch, you think I'm lettin' Huberd anywhere near you after last time? Yo' ass is mine!" "Ass stuff I'll do fo' free," Shaniqua shrugs, going to rub her bloodshot eyes some only to end up whacking herself on the nose with the link of her cuffs. "Aw, damn baby, don't get rough now." Aliza rolls her eyes at this, while Kathryn insists, "I was doing nothing wrong. This woman clearly acted alone. I was but an innocent bystander - she was the brains of the whole thing!" "Where ma' bread go?" Shaniqua demands to know as she next tries fiddling around her underwear, and Aliza arches an eyebrow to Kathryn, as if to ask what her next excuse is going to be. "Fine!" the blonde exclaims, "But I wouldn't have done it if she hadn't been kicked out of her big whore ring or whatever! It's not like I'm the only one! Plus I think she has crabs so if I could be seated elsewhere?" "What did you say?" Aliza suddenly clocks on. "She has crabs," Kathryn reiterates, "Yunno, crabs, Under the Sea and alla that. Ariel's sidekick that talks like your people." "No," Aliza rolls her eyes, "Before that. Big whore ring?" "Don't tell Madame Grier!" Shaniqua suddenly exclaims via whisper, "I'm skimming a little off the top. Shuussshhh!" "Grier..." Aliza murmurs, and now it's Kathryn who begins to clock onto something. "That's right," she nods, "Fri'chickenisha here has info on a biiig case. So you best grant me immunity for all my crimes or else she isn't saying a word." "Once again," Aliza assures her, "that isn't how the law works." "I can coax her out of her stupor. I know exactly how to get her lucid enough to talk to you. It'd only take one word, really. Wait, no. Nine. Nine words. For immunity." "I..." Aliza stirs, flashes running through her mind of the shredded papers which show that Henry had been moving money to the Grier modelling agency, "One second." With that, she uncuffs one of Kathryn's wrists, and the blonde looks elated... until she simply attaches it to the chair, so that she can't escape. The same is done to Shaniqua, and Aliza tells them, "Stay here," as she heads back to her office. "Alright! You twisted ma' arm! I'll do this fo' free too!" Shaniqua decides, while Kathryn yells, "I want my immunity, Aliza! And also a crab comb! Nine words!" Aliza slams her office door shut, and is surprised to see Mike already in there, admiring her father's war medal. "This is quite something," he says, in awe of the antique. "My daddy earned it in the war," Aliza states proudly. "Which war?" Mike wonders, and Aliza shrugs, "What do I look like? A historian? Point is, he earned it. Unlike you, he got his hands dirty and he--" "I've gotten my hands dirty before. Trust me," Mike promises, and Aliza wants to ask him what he means, until she notices that her journal is laying open on her desk. "You been readin' ma diary?!" she exclaims, quickly slamming it shut, and he defends, "It was in with some files. I'm sorry. It's far more detailed than the case reports, I... got curious." "Well get un-curious ya' scrub," she insists, and he nods. "I wouldn't say I'm a 'bigshot bitch', though," he jokes, and Aliza smiles: "I would." He laughs, and she asks, "So what did you wanna call me about? Earlier, before I fell off that wall." "You fell off a wall?" "Long story." "Oh," Mike then recalls, "Just that I went through Michelle and Henry's financial history, and learned that she was the wealthy one at the start of the relationship. Not him. Sadie's story gave me pause, based on what I'd dug up already." "Yeah, I figured that out by talking to her. Eventually," she points out, and Mike shrugs, "I guess both our approaches work." "But you gotta admit... mine's got more style," she smiles. So does he. He then remembers, "These were with your journal," as he pulls out the pieced together financial records, "Meaning I spent my day digging for a clue you already had." "Right. Sorry 'bout dat." "And you heard about Henry's body?" "I did..." "So Henry was giving money to some modelling agency?" Mike inquires. "Yeah, Celeste Grier..." Aliza nods, staring at the shreddings she dug out and making a decision. A stack of papers has been left on her desk by Mike, which he explains are other records he was able to dig up on possible suspects - known party guests - and he asks her what she's doing. "Looking for an immunity document," she reveals, "I gotta go learn sumthin' from an old ho." She finds what she's looking for and carries the other papers out with her too, because she's not really thinking. She then approaches Kathryn and hands her the document, accidentally dropping one of the financial records as she leans down to uncuff her from the chair. "There," Aliza tells her, "Now say your nine magic words." "Of course," Kathryn nods, clearing her throat before she yells, "Oh, my God, is that a big black dick?!" Suddenly, it's as though a thunderbolt is coursed through Shaniqua, and she looks up to shout back, "What? Where?!" She now seems completely aware of her surroundings, and finds herself asking, "Aw damn, how I end up in one o' these joints again?" "You opened yo' legs for money," Aliza reminds her, and Shaniqua's like, "Oh riiiight," while the Chief adds, "And now you gon' open that big mouth o' yours for me." "I... am?" Shaniqua questions, "'Cause I don't suck pussy that good." "Just come with me," Aliza sighs, uncuffing the harlot and dragging her away. Kathryn, meanwhile, seems free to go, and gets up out of the chair. She takes a deep breath in, enjoying her freedom, and begins to walk away. However, she soon notices something stuck to the bottom of her shitty shoe: the financial record that Aliza dropped. She picks it up and, seeing the word "Kappelletti" at the top, she begins to peer through it. It isn't long before she gasps. "But this means..." she utters, "Th-there's still Kappelletti money out there... that I'' don't have access to... I... I..." But, having had quite enough of talking aloud expositionally to herself, she rolls the paper up, tucks it into her Wonder Bra, and marches out of the station, determined to get her hands on what she believes to be rightfully hers. Elsewhere in town, we now see Silvia Montgomery arriving at the cemetery, at her deceased lover's empty grave. "Um, hello, dear..." she utters, holding a bouquet of flowers and a cup of coffee, "I didn't really know what else to bring. I figured flowers would be good... subtle. Everyone brings flowers, and no one would suspect anything. I..." Silvia's beginning to tear up as she kneels down placing the coffee and flowers on the ground. "I just don't know what to make of this, I suppose. You, Henry... you were a wonderful man. I'm sure not everyone could attest to that, but I can. You filled a void in me that's been there for a very long time now. It's odd, really... I never really felt the need to have a partner. I mean, a lot of my life my mind was elsewhere. Getting revenge, hunting down my son, losing my ever-loving mind. Hell, my marriage was but a means to an end. But then, I don't know... suddenly I felt like there was something missing. My son was gone, but there was still Tyson, god love him. No, this was about something else. There was this whole other emptiness inside of me, and... well, when I met you, that emptiness went away." Tears are now streaming down Silvia's face as she goes on even further, "Despite obstacles like your marriage and career as a politician setting off, I just knew you were worth it. I loved you, Henry Washington. I really, truly... ''love you." But it's then that Silvia hears a noise - something dropping onto the grass - and she quickly turns to see that it's none other than Michelle Washington, who's just dropped her own bouquet of flowers. The two women look one another dead in the eyes, Michelle complete and utterly shook to the core. "Hey, who's that ugly slut watchin' us?!" Shaniqua Mae exclaims as she stares at her own reflection in the two-way mirror of the interrogation room. She gets to her feet, yelling, "Yo, ugly slut! You wanna go? 'Cause I can go, sweet thang!" "Sit down," Aliza commands, and Shaniqua nods, "As long as you keep that bitch away from ma' corner." "This ain't your corner, Shaniqua," Aliza reminds her, "This is a police precinct." "Bitch, I know. And there ain't no black dick to be seen, thank you blondie. Unless you got a shorty hidin' under yo' drawers?" "I don't," Aliza promises. "Damn," says Shaniqua, "we coulda had some fun." "We're not here to have fun," Aliza tells her, "You're here to tell me everything you know about Celeste Grier's modelling agency. You were fired from it?" "Modellin-- what?" Shaniqua asks, and then it suddenly hits her, "OH! Right! That lame ass story we gotta tell people when we work for her. That we some lame ass models or some shit, when errybody knows we whorin'." "Actually, no," Aliza reveals, "Not everybody knows." "Oh damn," Shaniqua utters, "Well anyway, bitch went and fired me. Said I 'tarnished her brand' whatever the hell that means. As if I went anywhere near her 'brand'. I don't do lady butts, I told her that upfront when I got the job, but she still tried to make me--" "Just," Aliza interrupts, wanting to get something concrete that she can actually use and understand, "tell me how her business operates. To the... best of yo' limited abilities." "Say what?" Shaniqua asks, and Aliza demands, "Tell me how she runs things!" "Oh a'ight... well it ain't a corner gig, I can tell you that much... she sells drugs. Real good shit. Better than the brick o' coke I got stashed in my cooch." "You..." Aliza begins, then decides not to press it, needing the info; "Go on." "Yeah, so, she got dealers sellin' that stuff, then hires the girls to go fuck big-city types." "Big-city types?" "Yunno," Shaniqua insists, "Lawyers. Judges. Then they suddenly becomes all nice to the dealers when they's arrested, assumin' us girls doin' our job right. And lemme tell you, I was doin' it right! She said I got no class or whatever, but, I went to high school! I din't finish it, but I went! The cafeteria is where I done birthed ma' firs' baby. Speakin' o' which, where ma' kids at?" "They're with Antwon," Aliza reveals. "That deadbeat ass..." "Mhm," Aliza nods, "So, Celeste Grier hires prostitutes to rig the justice system in favor of her drug dealers?" Shaniqua blinks at this, asking the policewoman, "Wanna eat me out 'n' get high at once?" Aliza respectfully declines. "Henry must have been involved in that," Aliza is later seen telling Mike in her office, "dealing with Celeste. It's why he'd always let bitches off." "But it still doesn't explain why he was paying her," Mike figures, "Theoretically, he should've been the one in control. If she needed him." "Unless... she had something on him?" "You said Henry was just a public defender when he met Michelle, right?" "Way I hear it, yeah," Aliza nods. "Well... they were only married for, what, three years? How did he go from unsuccessful public defender, to judge, to Mayor in that time?" "Because Celeste was pulling the strings..." Aliza reckons, "I need to haul her ass into jail, right now!" "You'll need something else to nail her with," Mike points out, "Other than the testimony of some... drugged-up ex-prostitute." "Right," Aliza nods, and then she remembers: "The burner phone! Henry had a burner phone in his office!" She shows Mike the picture she took on her own phone, "If he was dealin' shady shit with her, it'll be she who he was usin' it for. It might be a long shot, but..." We next see her in Henry's old office, where she collected the file shreddings. It's been thoroughly cleared out now, but still Aliza holds out hope that, when she opens that top desk drawer, she'll find what she's looking for... Unfortunately, the drawer is completely empty, and the Chief of Police lets out a grand sigh. It's then that her cell phone rings, yet again, and she announces, "I have got to get maself a Windows phone, all these calls drainin' ma' Apple-ass battery left 'n' right." She answers it - "Yello?" - and Joy is on the other line, explaining that she found something at the morgue where Henry's body was stolen that might be of interest to her. It seems one of the thieves dropped something: a business card, belonging to the Grier modelling agency. "She has the body," Aliza pieces together, "So, if I just go and arrest her, there's a chance I could never find it, and... Joy, hold on." It looks as though gold has just struck Aliza. She clearly has a new idea brewing, and she can't wait to share it with Mike, who she proceeds to call with the coroner on hold. "Mikey boy?" she says, "I think it's time we prove once and for all that my in there approach is way better than your behind-the-scenes thang." "And how's that now?" Michael asks, curious, to which the Chief of Police replies, "I'm goin' undercover as a whore." Unanswered Questions *Why would Henry, as a judge, let off criminals Aliza sent his way? *What about Wikerly Hills does Michael want to investigate, in relation to his father? *Why was Henry moving money into Celeste's modelling company drug business? *Who killed Henry Washington? *'How did Silvia's affair with Henry begin?' *'Who took Henry's body and why?' *'How did Henry rise through the legal ranks in such a short space of time?' *'Why did Michael stop doing field work?' *'Why is there still Kappelletti money that Kathryn doesn't have access to?' *'Where's Henry's burner phone?' Category:A Little Devious Episodes